This is the very last letter I wrote to Amelia before she was born. I am so grateful that I decided to document this journey for her (and myself!). Looking back on these has been so wonderful and I hope to do this for all my future babies! I cannot believe a year has gone by and Amelia will be ONE in SIX DAYS!! Maybe I will finally get around to writing her birth story.
Pregnancy Week: 37 (and 6 days!)
Oh little miss Amelia,
How your mommy has been a slacker! We are finally down to the home stretch! Less
than 19 days (HOPEFULLY) until I get to hold you in my arms, stare at
your little eye lashes, count your fingers and toes… all the wonderful
things I have dreamed about for the past nine months you have made my
body your home. And yet, as we near the end, I am suddenly finding myself not ready for you to be here…
Having your first child is terrifying! I didn’t think I would be one of those proverbial first time moms, and here I am... My
whole life I have spent praying I would get to be someone’s mommy some
day and convinced myself that I would absolutely rock at it. Everything I ever wanted my mom to be, I would be. And everything she did wrong, I would not repeat. Now,
the thought of being responsible for another life, molding and shaping
your morals and values, making sure you are always taken care of… YIKES! Let’s put on the breaks!!!
I
am only telling you all this so that in the future, when you are
getting ready to have your own children, every emotion you experience, I
have experienced too. I am sure that all of my
doubts and fears will go out the window as soon as I see you, but I want
you to know that all of this is completely normal. This is just as much a record for me as it is for you. I love you so much already my heart could burst. And yet, at the same time, I don’t want you to leave me because I don’t want to fail you. There
are so many emotions and feelings that I cannot even begin to put in to
words… so I will just have to trust that I can help you sort out your
own feelings on being pregnant when the time comes!
In other news… We have started our weekly doctor’s appointments to check on mommy progress. The first check, I was 2-3 cm dilated, 75% effaced and you were at station -1. I was convinced this meant you would come soon and maybe I would have the Valentine’s baby that Papa wants so badly. And then the second check came, and mommy thought, “PROGRESS!” but alas, there was none. So… now we wait; your mommy is convinced that she will now go past her due date and never meet you! Papa
is so bummed you weren’t a Valentine’s Day baby, but it’s alright with
me that you don’t have to share your special day with a holiday!
Your nursery is almost complete! Aunt JoAnn painted your amazing initial tree a few weekends back and things are finally coming together. Mommy and daddy built your crib on a lazy Sunday afternoon and put all your bedding where it belongs. The
giant, most comfortable chair on the face of the plant that mommy just
had to have was finally delivered and has made its home in the corner of
your room. It is HUGE and takes up way too much space, but I love it and that is all that matters. All
of your clothes are washed, organized and stored according to size.
Tonight, mommy will hopefully figure out your cloth diaper situation and
tomorrow we pick up all the hand-me-down’s from Erin and Luke! Now, if we get the car seat installed, we are officially “READY” for you to come home!!! If only I thought you would cooperate.
No new cravings or anything fun to report. I
do get the occasional bout of acid reflux from eating spicy food or
drinking way too many fluids before bed, but for the most part, this
pregnancy thing has been super easy. Yes, my right side does hurt from you ALWAYS pushing against it. And yes, I am tired of going to the bathroom 5 times a night and still feeling like my bladder is full. But, I would do it all over again in a heartbeat to get you at the end of all this!
The waiting game has begun little one… T-minus 15 DAYS until your due date! Please don’t wait that long to come! As much as I know I have no control over when you are ready, I just want to hold you and love on you already!
Love you more than you will ever know,
Your mommy
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